Grow some girl-balls and come out already
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
