God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
