tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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