you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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