I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
