five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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