You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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