Its about making memories worth repressing
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
