Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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