Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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