i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
