Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
