Kiss
Puke
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
