It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
