He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
