My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize