Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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