he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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