Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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