maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
