I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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