just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
