you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
