arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
