Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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