you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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