I looked at my own cervix.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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