I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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