I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
