If i come over, it means nothing
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
