i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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