Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
