I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
