Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
