I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
