I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her vagine was all disorganized.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
