I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
