my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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