His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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