just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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