And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
