I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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