I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
