I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
