jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
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Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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