I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
