oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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