the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize