It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
