I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
