my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
