Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
