pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
