I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
