I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
