The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
