We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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