Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
