I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Randomize
