If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
People in love make me want to vomit
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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