I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
FUCK WHALES
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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