theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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